I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
