My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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