Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
