like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
