the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
