I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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