We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
