on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
