i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
