you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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