good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
