the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
