but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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