Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
