I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
