I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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