the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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