this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
