I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
