Whats the glycemic index on semen?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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