My hand turned me down
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
