I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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