lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
