I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
