Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
