Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
