i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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