Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
