Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she told me i tasted like america
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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