I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
soo... how was my night?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
