I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
