Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
