I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
