I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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