Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
