Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
