Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
