plz talk dirty to me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
