So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
