I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
