she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
