if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
