I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
