great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
