Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
