did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
