Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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