Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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