just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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