Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
