I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
