on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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