If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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