so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
