Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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