I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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