just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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