Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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